Sometimes I Don’t want to go to bed because I am afraid I won’t wake up in the morning. So I watch netflix, or youtube, or listening to music. Sometimes shower and straighten my hair and get completely ready for my day and its only four in the morning. It started when I was in college. Only randomly. I just get scared. Look at carla. She was 32. Had her whole life ahead of her and was taken from her when she didn’t even know it. Actually I think she knew she was going to die but thats a whole different story. Anyway, seeing all the young people just get taken so unexpectedly really worries me. I just don’t like sleeping anymore.

It stresses me out to think about not being able to tell the people I love the most in this world goodbye before I die. This is a really morbid post but it’s really something I think about and I am sure you all do too. I always tried not to take life or relationships for granted but with carla passing away I really have worried about it so much more. You really just don’t know what could happen next.

I miss her more than anyone will ever know. I feel like this is the only place I can really open up because no one can see my tears and pain they can just see my words. Most of the people i want to talk to about it are most likely reading this or will read this. I just can’t bring myself to completely open up to someone right now. We all grieve in different ways I suppose. It’s just hard and makes me really wonder why it had to be her. Why it had to be one of the most important people in my life who I was getting closer to everyday. We had so many plans together. She was so proud of me for following my dreams and not letting my family get to me. I talk to her everyday and tell her how much I miss her. I love you Carla Sue Anna Callaway. As much as I was heartbroken to see you go I know you are out of pain and watching over me everyday. Take care of mom for me. she’s struggling, also say hey to magump and beat her at phase ten once for me too ;) She always hated me when I would beat her. because I cheated. hahaha. 

“If you find that I cross your mind i hope you’ll remember all the good times.” Don’t worry carla not a day goes by i don’t think of you and the precious memories we shared.